girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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