She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
