you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
