i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
