Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
