Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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