I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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