He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
