Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
