i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
COCAINE IS GR8
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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