some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
