can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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