oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I want a musical about memes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
