I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
