i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
