I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
