My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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