i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
