i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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