so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
