Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
