She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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