Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
