Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
