What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
