Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
