I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
