this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
