i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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