Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
