take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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