I want to stick my p in your. b.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
