So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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