I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
