Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
