i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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