The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
