im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
