I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
