Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
