i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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