u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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