Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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