I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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