absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
