I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
