When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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