So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize