This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
