sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
