I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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