You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
