I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
