mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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