She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
