I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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