the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
