making cat noises will not fix the situation.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
wow bdsm is so cute
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
