this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
