If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
