Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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