Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
