She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
