why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
