nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
