These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
