this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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