Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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