i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
