The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
